Friday, February 10, 2012

Alzheimer's - Who Am I Now?

The last week or so has been less than wonderful, in fact I have lost most of it, every time i turnned around i was waking up. Yesterday was the worse of them all. I got a real look into the future so to say. I was not doing well mentally and as I went downstatirs I think in the morning some time i just stopped on the landing. I recall someone telling me to come down offf the statirs. i think I remained their for I am not sure how long. I know i was not sure where I was or who was talking to me and trembling, I think that is why i would not move. because i was to unstable. I got downstairs and wet to the refrigerator to get some soda to drink. This lady was talking to me and asking me how I was and all that type of shit. Finally I asked her who the fuck she was. I think she said your wife Lynn, I just looked at her and nothing. I wondered why she was in my house. I left the kitchen and went and sat down. I rememger being told what day it was by more than one person and that I seemed out of it. Finally I recognized Lynn. But the rest of the day was really messed up until late evening.

So now for the time being I have some knowing of what things are going to really be like first hand. Physically i am having more and more trouble moving.  My conversation with others is getting more difficult and less, oh what the hell, speakable cannot think of the right wording. That is becoming harder, finding the words that fit we play guessing games with me as to what I am trying to say, i guess i am refining my language, joenese, to a more pure form, which I do not undersstand.

Until next time be good to yourselves.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!


Anonymous said...

I'm amazed at how well you can still write. Keep fighting !! You inspire me so much. God bless

Seniors Retirement said...

I really like your fighting spirit. You are an inspiration for others,god will surely help you!

JUST A MOM said...

keep writing Joe as long as you can I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO think of you EVERY DAY... OH thought I would let you know I have come up in the care giver world. I am now moving towards management. Getting my state license and am working with a man who owns 2 houses. He is leaning towards letting me turn one into a memory care house! I am excited and looking forward to being able to be more sure those with this crappy thing are taken care of right.... (((HUGS)))

Karen said...

Joe, keep checking in when you can and let us know what it's like from your perspective. You HAVE to be the first person who's had the experience of not recognizing their spouse and has written about it. You have been my guide into the Alzheimer's world for years, long before I would know that it would become my world too. And I hope that you'll keep being my guide for a long time to come. And when you can't do it anymore, I will love and remember you and pick up the torch myself.

I've already written a lot of stuff privately but I'm trying to get my blog up and running. I don't know how much you read anymore or if Lynn reads to you but if you'd like the info let me know. And anyway I've been wanting to ask if Lynn has an email or some other way to get in touch that she's comfortable sharing.

Keep fighting, Joe. Every time I get your email I see that you're still giving them hell.

Dirty Butter said...

It's been a long time since I stopped by, Joe. I know you are farther into this deep hole than you were last time I was here - BUT I'm so happy to see that you are still WITH US at least some of the time.

I lift you and your family up in my prayers.

Tina Gaona said...

Love this...Hope to see more posts from you Thank you and God bless