Thursday, June 24, 2010

What do I see in the future?

My shrink has sent me back to my pshycologist, for help especially since his dad died from AD and he was the first to garee with me on what was taking place in my so called mind. We have been meeting for a couple of weeks again. Known each other close to 6 years.  As we sat and looked at each other, he asked why I was back and I told him.  We talked to kind of catch up to current things. He asked me, "When I look to the future, what do I see?"  My reply after starring for a few moments maybe longer was, "Darkness". I told him for me I see no future, for when you slice it all up and smooth it all out there is nothing there for me.  Just to keep loosing what abilities I have left and then crossing over the line. What is on the other side of the line, I told him I do not know for I have no idea who or what I will be, except that it will not be me. Maybe I will be lucky and pass on before that time comes. See I look at us in this world of Dementia, as throw aways, really, how many families are able to withstand the constant care they need to give us as we move forward with this disease. It definitely has got tear at them to a point of not being able to handle things. Then they have there families and their lives and all that stuff.  So put Mom or Dad or Gramps or Grams in home that can clean them up and do the things they cannot handle. Throw aways that is what we are. Never mind the years that we put into raising them and helping and nuturing and getting their asses out of trouble, that does not matter that was our job not theirs. Will I get shit for this post, YES, do I care NO, because the truth is what it is. I am becoming more distant to family and friends. My "friends" no longer email me except for those stupid forwards, some are funny. I am not part of their world and I guess they do not know how to talk to me anymore. Even those that I know that have a parent with AD and work for Alz. Org.  Bitter I guess, you see I now see my world closing in and not as broad as it once was. I have my moments, but more and more they are lessening, shopping is nearly unbearable for me now. I fear leaving home because I might get lost even though I have to be taken everywhere. Take care and be good to yourselves.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
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