Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Hello All!

My ggrandson Lucas is now home from hospital and out of the NICU and mom is fine, so they do not have that stress anylonger.

We built a cover over the pond and have started to plant the area, should be done soon, then will post pictures. We have a new femaile Koi that is pregnant. She is black with a white belly and white nose so we call her Orca. Have to get a male for her, since I lost mine.

I have been trying to read a book from a friend who has been published and it comes out in June, so I cannot tell you the name yet. I am having problems with it, very slow reader I am. But what I see in it that for you care givers it probably will be good. I cannot relate to the person's feelings from this side of the fence, except to let them know that many of their feelings we have on this side. Of course we don't have the family BS of what to do with us to tend with, we just keep going on and forgetting. But I can see how it could get tacky, since we are still locked away and forgotten about. Not alot has changed over the decades.

I am starting to become disconnectd from life in general and my past and who I once was. Things seem to be of little importance anymore. Ask me this afternoon what I did this morning and I will have problems telling you and so goes the day and my life. Trying to keep a sense of humor is becoming hard, I do not like this world of mine but I cannot change it, it is what it is, shit.

Posting is getting harder. The note on my computer to do so does not help much, I just start and forget and walk away. telling of the misery of this does not even fill worhwihile anymore. There is a lonelyness that is setting in a feeling of being apart from everything, and trying to hang on I feel like I am drowning in a vast void in my mind.

So much babbling.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!


karen said...

So glad the baby and mommie is doing well. And Can't wait to see photos of the pond.I bet it very pretty.
You are very brave writing this post and sharing what you are going throw. I am a caregiver so I don't know what it is like on your side of the fence. I can only say God Bless and Good Luck.

kenju said...

I'm sorry, Joe.

Your "telling of the misery" can help others understand what to expect and help us understand others who may be going down the same path.

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear Lucas is home and that you are back on track with our pond. I know posting must be getting harder and harder but you really are helping some many. Continue on for as long as you can.

Moonchild said...

All I can say is I really feel for you.I can't imagine what you are going through. The fact that you have kept your sense of humor for as long as you have is amazing. What struck me about your piece on the HBO special was your biting sense of humor and honesty. We are rooting for you and your family.

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JUST A MOM said...


Mary said...

Hi Joe...glad to hear the good news about Lucas. I'm so sorry that you are struggling these days. Please write whenever you feel up to it! They keep telling us that brain exercise will keep us going longer...I do hope they are right!