Tuesday, March 18, 2008

As The Clouds Move In

"They" say whoever they maybe that thossse of us that suffer from the diffferent forms of dementia do not know that it is happening. Surprise your are full of dog dodo. I look at each day as things very slowly slip away and I see that cloud on the horizzon. I have always had a thirst for knowledge and doing things (when I was not being lazy). That once mighty river and fire that burned insside of me has slowly turned to a brook and a candle and it makes me sad. As I get lost in conversationnns and it takes me longer sometimes to recognize those I knoww, I feel the battle ground beneath my feet shake a little harder. I fought threw the cruelty of a bruttle father and naive mother, an addicted teen life and young adult drunk. I finally learned to love without strings and taking only to have it yankked from my very arms. But I had learned to finally lovve and give freely and became clean and sober in the process. Now I enjoy when I am able to my family, even with the cancers and brain injuries that occured to my children and wife the fucked up relations they had, I still was able to move forward and win the battles. Now my time has slowly come, I haaave great trouble in expressing myself anylonger, conversations and even this take a great deal of concentration and energy that I am left exhausted. I stand with open arms to welcome to my world that which is coming, for I believe that peace will be with it and this confusion, frustration and physical pain will be forgotten, at least one can only hope. Many I talk to with dementia, get angry with me when I talk of the death of me, who I am, I think it is because they know that it is true for them also. God Bless you all and one day we shall alll meet.
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