Monday, May 14, 2007
In The Mornings Quietness
I am sitting heree this morning trying to think of how I feel and really am not sure. I am slowly starting to feel that neither me, my friends, loved onees ore even those who do not care one way or the other give much of a damn anymore. The confusion creaps in a little deeper each day, the harder I try the worssse it seems to get.. Interest in things is leaving me, I am looking through different eyes then what I used to have and they don't see much light anymore, and I accept that as ok. I guess it is what it is whatever that means. Why I do this makes no sense in my ½ brain cell, then much of how I feel or thinkkk anymore does not seen to make any sense. I keep trying to help and control myself but I know ai I am doing is slowly loosing it and probably making people not so comfortable in my presence. All I know is that my so called friends and good part of my family no longer communicate with me. Maybe they are afraid, well fuck welcome to the crowd. So much for my ramblings, but this is my only outlet, words do not come out of my protective shell to others very easily at all. Beaten to many times as a kid and left unloved to give up of me very much. Now when I want to my wonderful brain (the pink matter) doesn't graps the concept very welll. anymore.