Monday, February 20, 2017

Alzheimer's Giveth and Taketh!

I put a comment on a Facebook post and once my ½ brain cell traffic jam cleared up it started to see what I said and what has happened to me since Alzheimer's and I have become such close friends.

After being diagnosed I started this blog over 10 years ago. My wife keeps reminding me why from time to time because I forgot. See I started it for me and me alone. As a kind of journal I guess of what was happening to me.  I never expect to have anything come of it or anyone to read it. Now this will sound like an ego trip and it may well be for the moment.

In this time more than 124,000 people have visited my blog, it is read in over 90 countries, I have 48,000+ steady readers, it is used in over 165 care facilities in the US and other countries. I have a book published, Living With Alzhiemer's (A Conversation If You Will), featured in a documentary by HBO called "The Alzheimer's Project" (I am the only left from it that I can find, that is about 13 other gone since 2008 till 2013), several National Webinars, Alzheimer's Speaks Radio with Lori Bay, blog has won a ton of awards, have been called a hero, strong person, and SOB, hard ass, wonderful, etc.  Who would have ever thought a person like me would garner such attention, certianly not this person. I sit in awe everyday of it. These are some of the gifts I have been given because of this disease, Alzheimer's, Frontoltemporal Dementia and just no brain cells left.

I challenge all the studies and claims and you know it seems they all fall apart at the challenge. There is no cure, no treatments (that really work), and the hope seems at least to me very small that the medical field will ever get their collective heads out of their asses and figure this out. Crap they have had well over 100+ years.  But what the hell, we are still referred to as "THOSE PEOPLE". See I do my very best to tell it how it is, not how I would like it to be or how you want to hear it.

It has taken my freedom from me, I cannot go anywhere without being taken. Go on a walk alone no way I may not return. Once I took my granddaughter to the park by the house, she was about 5 I think. I was lost, she took me by the hand and said it is ok grandpa I know the way home and so she did. Each day it takes another slice of me, this fricken damndable disease.  I have even look straight at my wife while talking and asked her who the hell she was, because I forgot. I can be sitting watching TV or talking and I am gone, not asleep although that happens, just gone my body is there and Joe has disappeared. I no longer can use power tools and build things, I have forgotten more than 3/4 of the computer knowledge I had. I can see what I want to say or do, but cannot get it out of the pathways of my brain. It screams and yells at me to let it out, but I have no control over it. There are times like this that it flows from me, but not very often anymore.

Well my soap opera box is weakening so I will say till next time:

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

No comments: