Friday, September 24, 2010

It is what it is

I have been trying to think how to say this... I am angry.  I am royally ticked off at this disease. I am ticked that I do not have the man that I married anymore.  Yes I understand that I am not the same person that he married and that we all change.  That is how it is supposed to be, but this is different.  They lose themselves and we lose them.  I got my haircut over the weekend and Joe has asked me twice now if I got my haircut.  I can't take my frustration out on the guy who cuts me off on the road, I can't yell at the broad who runs the stop signs in our neighborhood,(well I can but it does not do any good),there is no one to lay the blame on when Joe is sitting and wondering where he is or who he is talking to.  I try not to get frustrated with him when he is in a foul mood because he does not know what is going on.  I can't yell at him because he does not always understand why I am angry because he doesn't know that he is aggravating me because he who used to make snap decisions now can't decide what he wants to have for lunch.  He takes naps at the drop of a hat and leaves right in the middle of a conversation.  Not physically but mentally. We were talking about some stuff the other day and he asked if I was disappointed about something and my response was not disappointed but I have to learn to understand that it is what it is.  Our lives are all about that now.  When you come to grips with the fact that this is what we have to deal with it does bring a little peace.  Not alot but just a little.  And there will still be those times that I may lose my patience but I need to remember that  "It is what it is".
Lynn

3 comments:

Adirondackcountrygal said...

Lynn, you are doing good, your feelings are normal. Are there any support groups in your area?

NewKidontheBlogg said...

It's hard to not take things personally. I think about my husband's Alzheimer's--that were the situation reversed, I know he would be my faithful caregiver and that is my privilege to be his caregiver now. Like the song says on your blog, "You raise me up to be more than I can be. . . . You raise me up walk on stormy seas." May the Lord sustain you.
Carol

Heather said...

I used to cry on the planetrip back home after seeing my dad. I stopped for fear of the air marshals not understanding. But I do cry in the car and in the shower. I got tired of people seeing me upset and trying to tell me everything would be okay. This disease sucks, there is no other word for it. It sucks for those that have it and those left behind to care for them. Make sure to take time for yourself--as hard as it may be--you and your family will be better for it.