Tuesday, September 14, 2010

As The Present Fades

I am still amazed at this point that I can still converse with you and tell you how things are going in my journey or battle if you will. In the beginning and still now i am prepared for the mental walkings and goings but I was never prepaired for the physical problems.  Walking with a swagger, actually kind of a stumble and hunched, feeling icky most of the time, getting exttermely upset around people and sweaty like a pig, shaking like i do, not able to hold things all the time, just not ready for this crap.

I find my world in fading in and out now. I recognize family and people and suddenly they start to become someone else. Same person standing there but my brain seems to switch off and step back and say who the fuck is that. I am finding this to be happening more and more, I feel like i am fading away from Joe and going somewhere and I cannot stop it anylonger. I really wish I would hear from others in this world of mine and what they are going through and how they feel. It is really a lonely place, yes I have people around me that care and help, not the same, they are not here with me, in my reality such as it is.

I must go now my mind is confused and i am getting very angry.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
joe
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