Friday, May 28, 2010

Pay Attention

Joe posted a few weeks ago about the fact that we have had some difficulity. He has had some issues and yes I was hurt by them. But in all fairness I guess I am to blame too. As you know he can still find his way around the computer and sometimes it gets him and others into trouble. So as a caregiver and as a spouse I am going to say that we need to ask questions when our other half is doing something that we are not sure of. We need to check the bank statements and credit card statements just to make sure there are no charges there that we do not know about. $10 here and there really add up. Also just like we do with our children we need to know who they are talking to. Whether on the phone or on the computer. So I am sure that we will have a few more arguments about how we nag and are trying to control things but, if we don't damage can be done that can not be forgiven or forgotten. Fortunately we are working on our end. So do not be surprised when he writes that I am being a nag and not liking me or others very much. We do it out of love.
Pay Attention to what is going on around the person you care for.
Lynn

7 comments:

kenju said...

Amen! and thanks for saying it. My husband doesn't have AD, but short-term memory loss can cause problems too. We need to remind our men that we get concerned out of love - if we didn't care about them - we wouldn't be a nag.

karen said...

Lynn you are a wonderful person. Joe knows how lucky he is to have you. Even if he forgets sometimes. Prayers coming your way always.

Mrs. Sew and Sew - Karen said...

Great post Lynn. My dad has not been diagnosed with AD or dementia but is have really bad memory problems. He needs medical help but my mom is in denial. I just nagged him on the phone today about leaving the yard and walking the neighborhood without telling my mom. He has done it twice lately and she has had to walk around until she finds him. It really scares her. He does get aggravated when we try to help him. I appreciate the info that comes from Joe's blog. Blessings, Karen

Anonymous said...

mom i really wished we lived closer. i know it is hard for all of you down there and sometimes i am glad im not there cause i dont have to watch it happen, but then again i wish i could be there cause i want the kids to know their grandfather before it gets to bad...we love you guys

morgan

Johnny O'Neil said...

My boss's wife started losing her memory about 6 months before she passed away. It was hard to see how hard he runs his business and to take care of her through out the night. God bless you and stay strong cherish family first :)

Anonymous said...

Oooh Lynn I know exactly what you are saying. My Mom (may she rest in God's peace)was very angry at times that we had to watch over her until she finally succumed all financial power to my older sister and myself...very difficult for her to realize that sometimes she was getting herself into trouble. Hang in there and God bless you and your family on your journey!
XOXO Diane

carlosorjp said...

Lynn,

Thank you for writing your own message here. I just checked out you post for the first time tonight (after learning about it on THE ALZHEIMERS PROJECT, a DVD I got through Netflix). You're absolutely right in comparing the way one cares for a spouse (or parent) with dementia to the way one cares for an adolescent or child. In all my years of being a caregiver, previously professionally and, now, as a son to a woman afflicted with Progressive Supranuclear Palsy, I have often had quite similar thoughts. I'd like to add that I'll never view my wife's nagging--or our mutual nagging of our children--in quite the same way! (I guess my wife really does love me!) Every comment I happen to post here I will write with both you and Joe in mind. That is, whether I have addressed my comments to you or to Joe, I have written them with the hope and realization that they may be read by both of you.

My heartfelt best,
Carlos