Gods' Circle of Life

As I live in this World of Mine that many others waander through with me, I come more convinced theat God has a circle of life. One dies so that another may come into being to learn of his wonders here for us. That circle got played out yesterday one passed on so that my fifth grandchild could join his family. Kobe William Abdalmelek (some name), burst upon the scene voicing his opion and ready to take on all life has to offer at 9 pounds and 19½ inches, I would say he is ready. Even in this misty world of forget fullness, God brings gladness and joy to my life. I wish to share that with you all. From the darkness comes the light.

God Bless
Joe

Early Signs Differ

I have been asked whaat did I notice in the beginning that made me think something was wrong. On the side of my blog are places to go for the medical signs. However no two persons are alike. My Physciatrist and I talked ablut this he his opion, which to me makes sense, it takes so long to determine because it depends where you start. In other words how much grey matter do you have to statr with and have deminish. I noticed around 50, that multi tasking for me was starting to be confusing. I was able, to handle 10 projects at a time without notes and jump from one to the other and back again and never miss a beat. I was in the computer field (the beast of humanity). I started to have to pause to remember and even take notes, something I did not do, I would forget my pen, my glasses, what day it was, peoples names, stand up to do sommething and sit down again because I forgot. Eeach of these things in and of themselves is no big deal. But once I started to connect the dots, you know that old kids game where you go from one dot to another and a pickure forms, these things were happening daily and more and more often, I still functioned and got my job done, but I knew something was happening. Doctors or you are depressed, absent minded, forgetful, to much anxiety, all of a Sudden, no trauma had taken place. Things progressed slowly, but I could feel that my once active mind was slowing down and not because I was growing older. Talking to the text book guys was not helping. Finally after several years of pushing and refusing the bs answers my physcologist started to believe as I did that some form of dementia was occuring, because of my memory losses, inability to do things in minutes that now took me hours to days to do, because I forgot how. His dad had Alhziemers and he started and was the first to believe this was taking place with me. My Physc was not sure but felt that some form of dementia was occuring. My physician just plain ass was not sure, because I could still hold a conversation. Finally one day talking to him with my wife, the lights went on in his head there was something wrong because he was finally paying attention to the trouble I was having talking with him. We had done MRIs and EECs and Cat Scans, with no result, so he ordered a Pet Scan. Low and behold, his words get to a neurologist I can not help you, well none of them had been able to either. Armed with history at the PS, the new neurologist confirmed that I had Frontal Temporal Lobe Dementia along with inconsistent consistencies of Alzheimers (good one). so here I site be inconsistent and whatever else I am. All I know is that you need to look at the whole picture and stand firm and make your physicians or whatever explain why not and why something else and if their treatmenst do not work move on and kick down as many doors as needed until someone listens and starts to did. NOtes help and having someone with you that has known you for a time that can see the differences and help explaim them will help. Thankfully I have a wife that is stuborn as I am and keeps going until the truth is found. You may not like what you find but you have the right to know. I am not only having greater trouble with the grey matter but the physical affects are starting to settle in. Well you all behave and God watch over you.
God Bless
Joe

Creating Memories in The Mist

As many of you that read my blog know how I feeel about leaving my grandchildren with found memories and not those to come. Welll my eldest and her two kids have ben with us during moving, unfotunately my other two in WA have not been My grandson likes to hide behiind the couch and table and rub my hair while I try to grab his hand he is 2 and it is a game. Both him and my granddaughter help me get off the couch and want to play. This old guy doesn't last long at though, but it is form them and the joy I do get. My granddaughter is starting I feel to understand that somethiing is wrong with grandpa, but she isn't sure what it is. Even with the bad days and not remembering, I am doing my best to be happy and enjoy what time I have left. What the hell that was the Drs. prescription. I am happy most of the time and I think it is because I have accepted what awaits me and I know longer fear it or care when the line is crossed, my granddaughter is sitting with me while I write this old motor mouth. WE that suffer from various forms of dementia can live and enjoy the time we have, crap why not, we are going to forget the pain and sorrow of before so go out dancing. I weap more for those around me, because they have to watch from the otherside, see I soon forget and get lost in the conversssations and what is happening quiet often. So my sorrow is momentary. My wife shakes her head at me as we walk through the grocery store and I sing songs I make up so everone can hear, some are very colorful and I talk to everyone. Till nex time:
God Bless,
Joe

From a Fellow Suffer to YOU Who Care For Us

Alzheimer's Prayer

Dear Lord,
Please grant my visitors tolerance for my confusion,
Forgiveness for my irrationality and the strength
To walk with me into the mist of memory
My world has become.

Please let them take my hand and stay awhile,
Even though I seem unaware of their presence.
Help them to know how their strength
And loving care will drift slowly
Into the days to come just when I need it most.

Let them know when I don't recognize them
That I will. . . I will.
Keep their hearts free from sorrow for me,
For my sorrow, when it comes,
Only lasts a moment, when it's gone.

And finally Lord, please let them know,
How very much their visits mean,
How even through this relentless mystery,
I can still feel their love.
Amen!

-Unknown Author-

God Bless,
Joe

The Tiredness of This Week

When you reach your 40's you no loger have operations, you have a procedure. So my prime caregive had a procedure, yesterday. That would be my wife of 30 years, I slept little Sunday and Monday nights, Tuesday I was up I think aroun 4 AM waiting for my love to wake so we could start this day. I spent the day at the hospital, my daughter got me home areound 7pm. Needless to say I had a hard time tolleerating my grandchildren although they we just being kids. I was alone, my wife was not with me and that meant a night without her by my side. I am still up waiting to hear when she is coming home. The procd. went a ok. But that is not the issue she helps keep me balanaced and keeps me calmed down. Right now I am lost in my World wilhout her I fricken hate this crap. When I am babbling she understands me somehow, because I sure don't. These days do not help this wonder piece of a brain that I have nor my emotions or tolerancee. I almost wish I would cross the line and no longer feel this way or my Lord would just take me home. I have almost died several times in my life because I am so mentally solid, but neither he or the devil have wanted me, that makes a person feel pretty unloved and unwanted, when neitherr of them think your good enough to go live with them. I am just babbling and have lost where I am at so to all:

God Bless
Joe

A Toast to Beckey Bright

Ms. Bright appparently writes a coloum called Blog Watch for the Wall Street Journal. How and why she featured mine escapes me. I say thank you to Beckey. I am overwhelmed by the number of people that contacted me since yesterday. In fact it humbles me and that takes a great deaaal to do. Hopefully I made some new friends as I walk the road. There are so many out there that suffer as I do and evven worse, that I write this blog so that our side gets tolkd at least ass how it affects me and those around me. The last several weeks have been tough for me. I think my wife is getting use to me standing in the issles in the store kind of looking at her and pointing and saying I know you, then things register. My kids even ask me on the phone if I know who iam taking with. Sometimes I know right away others it takes a few minutes of talking, but I still have a ½ brain cell left so I function. To all of you that write me and tell me that you have gotten even a little comfort from this blog or undersstanding, my heart goes out to you with my own tears as I sit here and write, this has taken meee most of the morning til now to get this together. Thank You.

God Bless you all.
Joe