Friday, November 07, 2008

This Belongs On My Answering Machine!

SmileyCentral.com

Thanks my friend Dick.

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
>
> Please select from the following options menu:
>
> If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
>
> If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for
> you.
>
> If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
>
> If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want,
> stay on the line so we can trace your call.
>
> If you are delusional, press 7 and
> your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
>
> If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully
> and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
>
> If you are manic-depressive, hang up.
> It doesn't matter which number you press,
> nothing will make you happy anyway.
>
> If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.
>
> If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep
> or before the beep or after the beep.
> But Please wait for the beep.
>
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
> If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.
> Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

>
> If you are menopausal, put the gun down,
> hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.
> You won't be crazy forever.
>
> If you are blonde, don't press any buttons.
> You'll just mess it up.
>
> This coming week is
> National Mental Health Careweek.
> You can do your part by remembering
> to contact at least
> one unstable per son to show you care.
>
> (Well, my job is done . Your turn!!)

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
Joe

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Joe....I have been reading your blog for a long time now and as a fellow dementia person I want to say THANKS! for all your posts. Keep telling it like it is.
Sandy