Sunday, August 31, 2008

Why I Do This Blog!

Message = Joe,
First I would like to say that I am sorry for the crappy deck of carded dealt to you. It seems as if we are looking forward to working ourselves to death to enjoy our older years. And then this. It is not very fair at all.

I came across your blog while researching Dementia. My mother-in-law was diagnosed 3 years ago at the age of 51. She progressed quickly and has now lost the ability to talk and lost her ability to control her bowel movements. She is trapped in a world all alone.
Do you have any advice on ways to comfort her? I would like for her to know that no matter if she knows us or not that we still love and care about her.

Thank you for your time and I hope for the best for you.
(we will call her)
Pam

Subject: Your Mom

Dear Pamela,

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. I keep trying and keep forgetting or start and go off and start something else. The nature of this Disease. Being that your mother and I live in the same World which is different from yours. I can just imagine your feelings as a caregiver, that is why I started my Blog, so the outside world could get at least to know how it is for one person and help some to understand those they are caring for.

The best you can do for your mom is what you are doing. Being there for her, talking to her, telling you love her, sitting with her and not speaking, hold her hand, smile at her, keep your tears to yourself, she has too many in her heart to bear yours. Trust me she know deep inside you are there and helping. This disease just stops us from responding well and takes our lives away from us. I know my family gets nuts over me, because I cannot always hold a conversation with them or follow theirs and I forget who the hell they are. I am pretty outspoken and direct if you really read my blog. I am offensive at times and I do not care, because I am discussing My World the hell of it. Be glad on this email I used spell checker, because generally do not I want folks to know how this crap really is. Any further emails I will not use it, so I hope you are good a picking something apart to understand it.

Being there for your Mom is the single best thing you can do for her. I have told my family and it is in my blog, when I get to close to crossing the line of this disease as your mom has, I will say good bye to all and be gone. I will not put myself or family or friends through the last stages. See I worked for a number of nursing homes that had those that could manage on their own and those that needed assisted living care and those who needed accute care, as I was developing this disease. I still remember going through the lunch room at one of the homes (I took care of three homes computer systems) and watched the attended lift this ladies face out of her food and clean her, never I said at that point would I allow my life to become such a burden and worthless being. My heart broke that day and I finally noticed the real death of these folks that were around me. They were gone and someone else was living in them and I cried and said never would I put anyone through that. But remember that is me and my feelings.

I may post this reply on my blog, if you do not mind. I sometimes use the email people send me and my answers back to them.

God Bless and Hold You Tight in His Arms!
Joe

Joe,

Thank you for your response. You are more than welcome to post this on your blog. Reading through your eyes has given me perspective. I hope a lot of other people, especially caregivers, can see this too. Maybe it will take some of the frustration away. Maybe it will help people be a little more compassionate and forgiving and a little less annoyed and frustrated.
Thank you for your insight.

Pamela

God Bless You and God Bless This Country of Ours!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Joe and Pam!
Thanks to both of you. This is exactly what I needed to hear today regarding my own caregiving situation with my loved one. I must go there soon and she has become extremely silent and removed lately. I needed to hear that it is really best for me and her to continue to talk to her, and to just be there for her no matter what as difficult as that can be sometimes. Thank you and
God bless both of you on your journeys.