Monday, July 21, 2008
You know I have asked the above question all of my life. Not just since I have gotten AD & FTD, to be sure they have not helped the situation. The question is not what you think, GOD WHY ME? No not at all. Most of my life has been screwed up, probably mostly my own fault, except my early childhood, did I have one, no I live in a house of hell part of Satans spawn. At least with the dementia some of it is leaving me now. You should see my wife as she tries to stop me from falling off the courch or the bed. It is hard to stop a rolling whale. I ask mostly, GOD WHY AM I ALIVE & WHY WAS I BORN? Looking over me and my life there is nothing special about me nor do I seem to have contributed much to this life, taken oh yes.Now my thoughts get mixed between yesterday, today and whatever comes into this brain of mush that I have. It is starting to get a bit touchier, I look at those I should know and wonder who the f&*^ is that, and it is my wife or one of the kids. I have moments that I feel perfectly "normal" (do not think I ever was that), and all of a sudden everything goes to helll in a hand basket and I have no idea what I am doing, why I am doing it or where. I spend little time doing things I used to. I start, forget and then wind up somewhere else doing something different or just sitting wondering WHY? Well enough out of me.
God Bless You & This Country of Ours!