Monday, May 14, 2007

In The Mornings Quietness

I am sitting heree this morning trying to think of how I feel and really am not sure. I am slowly starting to feel that neither me, my friends, loved onees ore even those who do not care one way or the other give much of a damn anymore. The confusion creaps in a little deeper each day, the harder I try the worssse it seems to get.. Interest in things is leaving me, I am looking through different eyes then what I used to have and they don't see much light anymore, and I accept that as ok. I guess it is what it is whatever that means. Why I do this makes no sense in my ½ brain cell, then much of how I feel or thinkkk anymore does not seen to make any sense. I keep trying to help and control myself but I know ai I am doing is slowly loosing it and probably making people not so comfortable in my presence. All I know is that my so called friends and good part of my family no longer communicate with me. Maybe they are afraid, well fuck welcome to the crowd. So much for my ramblings, but this is my only outlet, words do not come out of my protective shell to others very easily at all. Beaten to many times as a kid and left unloved to give up of me very much. Now when I want to my wonderful brain (the pink matter) doesn't graps the concept very welll. anymore.
God Bess

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You may think we're afraid and you know you might be right to an extent. I lost my brother 5 years ago, now I have a new brother. And I am finally starting to fully except that. I lost my sister when she got married both times. And that was okay. We developed a new relationship. I never had my other sister. She has always been like a stranger to me, and thats not okay. But we have started to get our relationship on a track. It may not be the best one, but at least we have one. I have yet to lose my mother and I am thankful for that. But I know I am losing my father and that scars the shit out of me! I am not ready to lose you yet!!!! But I know it is happening and I will lose you forever in a short time. I know you want to go, but you have to know we aren't ready to let you go. And wether or not you want to hear it I am tiered of reading about how were aren't here for you and how you want to go! I love you and I am not ready for you to leave.