Thursday, July 03, 2014

A Dear One Is Gone

Today I learned that My Friend Carol's husband passed on. He suffered from this disease and now he is free of it. My prayers and praises of joy to Carol and Hubby (as I rcalled hiim).

I read on their blog about the incontence part and personally found in kind of amuszing, you see it has followed me around for over a year now, just goes with the territory. I also have a hearing aide now and need a second go at surgery on my eyes, things just get in the way sometimes. I have more and more moments of being somewhere and do not know about it. Mr. AD and FTD are claiming their territories in me , knew the day was comming so on I go.  So far I have beat the odds, probablyl because I am just an old pain in the ass and stubborn as hell.

I wake up in my dreams and continue them talking and so and then say bull and go back to sleep. To say my life is getting interesting is a mild statement. I still look forward to going home, any time the Big Guy decides. Getting tired of waiting for the bus to pick me up and holding my hand out to take his. But all in his time not mine.He runs the show I do not. I just sit and eat popcorn and watch the screen to see what is next.

For all that celebrate JULY 4TH, have a happy and safe one, and remember all of those around the World who fought to keep Freedom alive.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

I think many of you know that behind the picture of my clan, is the area we built for one of our KOI ponds. The second one we removed sometime ago to make a garden on the other side of the yard. Well last week was sad and happy. See my babbies just got to damned big for the pond, they should not have, but they were going at normal rates and just to much for the pond. So we found a KOI rescue place and now my little ones are residing elsewher with the room the need and deserve ato live out the rest of their days which will be many years.

So the pond will become a water garden. I hve mixed feelings, personally I want the pond removed and we can make a fire pit setting or something else out of it.

My wife Lynn asked me what I wanted for Father's day, by the way a belated happy Father's day to you; it took time for me to think of an answer.  Finally with pain and sorrow my answer was "I want my Life Back" and i know noone can do that for me, except my Lord and Lately we do not seem to be on the same page let alone in the same book. I have gotten a hearing aide for my right ear and can once again hear some things in it. Strange feeling to say the least.

Well take care of yourselves.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!

Thursday, June 05, 2014

To Ms. B Smith

I want to extend mly hand to you Ms. Smith, and say welcome to our World. I try to greet as many new people as possible. Regardless of the support system you may have, I want you to know that you have a family of millions standing ready to help as they are able to. We welcome you with open arms, for we know the road you now travel and how difficult it is.

It has been a rough time for me. My beast of humanity here, went all to hell in a hand basket and it took over a week or so to get it back to a working state. There was a time, I could have taken care of the problems, but now I require professional help to resolve them, brain gets stuck and cannot figure out which way to go. It is hard talking to a tech when you cannot even get the words out right and you sound like a babbeling brook or have cotton balls in your mouth. I now have to be reminded to ddo the towels on Friday, because I just plain forget. I take the and put the garbage out on Tuesday for pickup the next day and yes I now have to be reminded about that. The one thing I do real good at, is falling asleep no matter where I sit anymore. I do not even know that I have been sleeping, ecept for the socks that march across the tongue while sleeping, you know morning mouth.  Well I have anytine mouth. Just fall asleep and do not know it. Mly brain is stuck so have to say later.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!

Monday, May 19, 2014

Crossing That Line!

I believe that we have covered this topic before, but I feel too many people still do not get it, understand it or want to accept it. There comes a time in dementia when we the recipients of this wonderful gift reach a point of leaving our current reality. I call it crossing that line. I hope that i personally am gone by that time or have enough for thought or feeling to leave before it comes. You see many still do not understand the time between Early Onset Alzheimer's( like the medical profession even has the slightest idea when that reall happens) and Later Onset or the End Stages. Those are all that are covered in the media or what people think of when they hear ALZHEIMER'S strikes again.
I cannot tell you how many have written me emails and called me and personally met with me and said, mom, dad, wife, husband, etc., hell they were fine even after the diagnosis for a number of years and fine this day and the next were all fucked up and knew nobody or anything around them. Yes it happens that fast in many a case. A fellow co-worker of my wife, mother or mother-in-law, just took that journey and he asked Lynn if it does really happen that fast. Of course her answer was YES it does. She was doing well the one day and the next well Alzheimer's said now you are completely mine and took over and the lady is headed for a nursing home.
You see we can go to sleep tonight doing ok, wake up tomorrow in a different world. Hell it can happen just from a nap, or walking out of the kitchen into the dinning room. Snap the other reality takes over. I wrote an article called Caught Between Realities that is posted somewhere on my blog. That tries to explain what it is like living between the beginning and end stages. Here is where my family finds out where I am at. I hide as much as I can from them. I do not think it is out of denial, hell I know I have it, but more so that they do not have to carry any of the burden, but it is getting harder by the day to do so.
See in the in between stages we feel basically somewhat ok and I must confess at times think the tests and doctors are nuts and I am ok, but it does not take long for AD to let me know who is really running the show. It is not me. See the outside appears ok to others, the old saying Do Not Judge A Book By It's Cover, well that is me and many like me. See the cover is ok, but open it and the pages are bent at the corners, toren, crinckled, highlighted so much that you cannot read them. Many are missing so the story does not mat sense Thoughts and words line up to be written, but the pen goes dry and your are not able to get them out.
Do not feel bad even those in groups I have been invollved with do not understand this phase very well. They seem not to grasp the fact that they are not ok and cannot do anything they want, you see we live with a disease, set of symptoms, condition, syndrome, whatever you want to call it that is a great deciever and painsts things so that they look ok. But it is nothing but sound stage decoration.
I was reading an article the other day that just pissed me off. It was about Glenn Campbell's Valiant fight against his Alzheimer's. What the hell about Mary, Sue in Canada, Jan in Oklahoma, John in Iowa and the list goes on. Do you think these folks are any less important, I sure the Hell Don't. We just are not rich and famous so the press thinks. Had to get that out we Count damn it!!!!!!

Stay well and be kind to yourselves.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!

Wednesday, May 14, 2014